It has been two months since I last wrote. That is an eternity on the internet. I watched the days slip by, some ideas came and went, but I never wrote them down.
There are two reasons for my silence. First, I’m finding it a lot harder to write when I am home. It is a realization that has become part of the definition of “home” for me.
Home n. (hōm): A place where things are so normal, they don’t seem interesting enough to write about on your blog.
Things are also much more personal at home. When I was writing in Switzerland, it was about all the things that were going on around me, or things that were happening to me. And though they were part of my life at the time, that chapter of my life feels like a separate book. Like I put my “real life” on hold for a while to have that experience. And the experience itself was a constant flow of things to write about.
Here, when things happen, they don’t just feel like part of a fun adventure. They are part of my life. And it is a lot scarier to write about real life choices and struggles and joys. But I’m working on it.
The second thing that makes it harder to write now is that I am so much busier. Being home also means that I have more responsibilities, more things to do, and a lot more stuff. I am engaged in things I enjoy, but sometimes I feel like I’m running around like a chicken with my head cut off. The other day I found myself missing not having a car. I laughed because the thing I missed most often in Switzerland was my car. But now I feel tied to it. There is hardly anything I can do without it.
I had intended to slowly reintegrate myself, being careful not to get involved in too much too quickly. Apparently I’m not very good at that. Now I manage our household with three kids, sit on a volunteer committee, have a part time job, and I’m starting my own business. (More on that soon, I promise!)
So, perhaps this space is a reminder for me to slow down. To really experience things and to find the courage to share them.